.:: i’d rather be ::.

i’m flying for surabaya tomorrow morning, somehow i’d rather be at the office.. the impossible has happened

.:: one smile ::.

one smile
that is all i ask of you

.:: spared ::.

it seems my life has been spared.. at least for now
and two weeks of during the holidays it 80% approved.. *dreamy-eyed*

.:: decision-making ::.

haduh sulitnya membuat keputusan.. beberapa bulan lalu gue pernah membuat satu keputusan dan udah gue sampaikan pula ke orang lain.. blah! apakah keputusan itu akhirnya bakal menyusahkan gue atau engga.. bakal gue sesali atau engga.. dah ga bisa ditarik lagi.. bukannya sekarang pengen gue tarik lagi sih, cuma just in case aja

.:: voices from the past ::.

as i listened to those voices from the past, the weird chirping accent i was familiar with, i couldn’t help but reminisce those old times that had pass me by..

.:: ocehan tengah malam ::.

- midnight, and i still have loooots of documents to read through ~ not that i’m going to do it oh, i don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow..

- while there’s a huge of documents piled on my desktop, waiting to be read, i still have other tasks to do.. e.g waiting for the release to happen (c’mon!) i really feel like a yoyo.. gravity pulling me downwards while there’s another pull from upon me and i couldn’t just escape both..

- should’ve grab s’bucks back then while i could. i’m dozing now coz nescafe surely doesn’t work on me..

- i know lots of people say “apa sih yang engga buat lo” while they don’t really mean it. sometimes the realization that someone really meant it gives me chill.

- have i mentioned that i’m stil at the office? *yawn*

- and enjoying my second cup of nescafe… *in desperate need of real coffee*

- and i really wish i’ve brought a tooth brush..

.:: windows of opportunities ::.

when a window of opportunity opens before you,
sometimes, all you wanna do is jump right in, without thinking..
sometimes, the road isn’t as smooth as it may seem..
sometimes, you find obstacles along the way..
sometimes, you just have to let the opportunity pass you by..
sometimes, you just want to waste the opportunity..
but who are you to say you won’t regret it later in life?

.:: my first times ::.

ngikutin series nya olin, cherlee, dan cinde.. jadi terkenang-kenang first times yang paling berkesan sampe sekarang

1. pertama kali dapet nilai 2, pas smp. tebak pelajaran apa… bahasa inggris!! gue sampe mau nangis sendiri tuh. secara kayanya gue ga bego-bego amat dalam pelajaran ini, malah inggris kayanya favorit gue karena menurut gue ga usah pake mikir.. mungkin karena itu gue yang sok tau jadi males belajar dan begitulah, sekali-kalinya dapet dua malah pelajaran ini haha…

2. pertama kali (dan terakhir kali) dapet merah di rapor, tak lain dan tak bukan : olahraga. pas sma, guru OR nya galak banget bo.. dan gue kan pemalas banget kalo olahraga! yah begitulah jadinya. untungnya cawu-cawu berikutnya dia cukup berbaik hati naikin nilai gue item, walau tetep jelek juga sih sebenernya hehe.. come to think of it, yang berkesan dari pelajaran olahraga ga cuma itu aja sih, tapi juga : squat jump nyaris setiap minggu. kayanya nyaris ga pernah gue ga squat jump bolak balik lapangan, gara-gara telat (ps. bukan gue doank ye..)

3. pertama kali punya gank. pas sd, gue dan temen-temen yang kerjaannya nungguin senior-senior smp atau sma pulang supaya bisa pulang bareng, jadi ngebentuk geng kecil-kecilan. namanya juga anak sd, kerjaannya ya paling rame-rame makan gorengan di mobil salah satu dari kita, trus ngomongin cowo-cowo.. rata-rata sih cowo smp yang menurut kita cakep hahaha..

4. pertama kali dapet kerja dibayar. walau sebelumnya dah sempet part time di ATL, binus (ga keitung kerja dibayar), pertama kalinya gue digaji ya pas di jatis. senengnya waktu itu, kerja serasa tanpa beban. ga suka atau ga kuat, bisa keluar kapan aja karena toh kuliah juga belum kelar. dan lingkungannya juga bisa dibilang asik. dari temen-temen satu tim yang sempet kompak sampe jalan-jalan keluar kota bareng, sampe “geng ruti” teman-teman main dan makan roti sore-sore yang sayangnya sekarang juga dah mencar-mencar.

5. pertama kali nginep di rumah temen. just so you know, gue ga pernah tuh nginep-nginep di rumah temen. pertama dan sekali-kalinya gue nginep di rumah temen cuma karena alasan dugem (to be honest sih gue ga doyan juga dugem, cuman demi persahabatan bagai kepompong). gue bilang sama bokie nyokie sih mau ngerayain ultah temen (emang ga boong sih, cuman half truth aja). dan baru sekali itu juga kayanya gue pergi ga bilang-bilang. walau akhirnya pas udah lewat kejadiannya gue bilang juga dan akibatnya, gue nyaris terancam grounded. dan pas banget seminggu kemudian mau ada acara nginep-nginep lagi ke carita. sampe maksa semaksa-maksa nya. sempet gue cancel juga sama temen-temen gue, trus akhirnya tepat sehari sebelumnya keluar juga ijinnya. fiuuh..

6. pertama kali pergi ke luar negeri sendiri. secara gue bukan traveler, jadi gue sangat amat jarang bepergian, apalagi sendirian. ga pernah bo! nah berhubung ini urusan kerjaan, jadi berani ga berani ya dijalanin. seru juga sih banyak pengalaman baru, sampe yang aneh-aneh juga. di pesawat, sksd aja sama om-om di sebelah (bukan om-om girang!!), sekalian supaya dibantuin angkatin bawaan dan diarahkan ke arah yang benar di bandara dubai. hehe.. pas pulang lebih aneh lagi. karena gue pulang pas sehari sebelum lebaran, jadilah tu pesawat penuh sama tkw. dan tki untung samping gue mbak-mbak, males banget kalo mas-mas dan jadi belajar bergaul dan manis-manis sama tkw juga hehe.. disitu juga jadi tau gimana bebalnya orang indo. ga ada yang namanya antri masuk pesawat, adanya rebutan dulu-duluan masuk pintu. tenang aja mbak, mas.. ntar juga pasti dapet giliran kok. pas landing juga gue nyaris ngakak liatin para pramugari korea yang sampe desperate banget berusaha bilangin mas-mas yang dah main berdiri dan jalan ke pintu pada saat pesawat masih jalan. di UK sendiri, pengalaman anehnya banyak. dari nyasar, ngobrol sama supir taksi yang lebih tau tentang indonesia daripada penumpang indonesia nya, ngobrol ngalor-ngidul sama orang yang ga dikenal di halte bus, terbengong-bengong ditanyain orang di halte bus : mau ke gereja? padahal gue ga tau itu hari besar apaan, yang gue tau cuma hari libur jadi gue mau shopping ke city centre. yang gue suka disana orangnya luar biasa ramah-ramah (generally) and i’m glad i got the chance to meet such wonderful people. ga enaknya, duingiiiin..

7. berhubungan dengan nomor sebelumnya, ini juga pengalaman pertama gue hidup sendirian, jauh dari orang tua. makan pasta setiap hari sampe bosen (tapi begitu pulang jadi ngidam pasta melulu sampe sekarang), akhirnya mulai rajin masak sendiri. tapi sisi positifnya, gue juga jadi tau, ternyata gue suka masak! walau ga selalu berhasil, dan yang bilang enak cuma gue sendiri (ntah kelaperan, ntah beneran enak), atau maksimal flatmate gue, yang jelas ga tau rasa nasi goreng atau mie goreng di indo kaya apa tentang flatmate, itu juga pertama kalinya gue harus hidup sama orang lain (yang bukan keluarga). yang awalnya sebulan sendirian, bisa guling-gulingan sesuka hati, terpaksa behave deh. harus menyesuaikan diri juga, untung aja masih sama-sama berjenis kelamin cewe yang doyan shopping. enaknya, bisa nyicip masakan dia (masih kangen ham & egg dan salt & peper pork chop buatan jing).  yang paling males buat gue itu nyetrika. apalagi di apartemen itu lampunya koneng, jadi rada remang-remang gitu deh (alasan). akhirnya dari yang pake kemeja terus, lama-lama beralih ke kemeja kalo lagi ga males nyetrika, sweater yang ga lecek atau butuh sekali-dua kali gosok di meja setrika di hari lainnya

apa lagi ya? belum keingetan lagi

karena gue juga baru seperempat abad, jadi banyak first times yang belum gue alami ye hehe..

.:: hari yang kacau ::.

hari ini ada-ada aja kejadiannya.. tumben bf pagi-pagi dah siap, tapi karena gue lagi nunggu rumah, jadi ga bisa pergi juga sampe tengah hari.. trus berhubung belum sempet nonton ice age 3, jadi begitu menginjakkan kaki di mall gading tujuan awal gue langsung ke bioskop. lah baru tau kok direnovasi, tempat beli tiketnya jadi berseberangan sama tempat yang sebelumnya. keliatan lebih teratur sih jadinya, tapi ajubile panjang bener tu antrian. emang dah, gue musuhan banget sama yang namanya antrian tiket nonton.  paling males disuruh antri, apalagi kalo jam nontonnya dah mepet. akhirnya deni antri juga sih, di bagian kartu kredit, sementara gue coba ngintip-ngintip orang lain yang lagi transaksi buat liat sisa tempat duduk. well, yang ga 3d, keliatannya dah nyaris penuh. gue dah males-malesan aja sih antri panjang begitu. tapi masih diniatin juga nunggu… 5 menit, 10 menit, 15 menit… tiba-tiba baru sadar. ngapain juga ngantri panjang-panjang di bagian kartu kredit, secara nonton 3d kan ga bisa buy one get one! dodol banget..

trus akhirnya deni keluar dari antrian, dan pindah ke antrian cash only, yang pada saat itu dah panjang juga. gue gantian antri – masih dengan males-malesan – sementara deni gantian ngintipin sisa tempat duduk. bener aja belum juga dua menit, deni dah balik, dan hasil pantauannya, bagian tengah dah penuh dari belakang sampe paling depan. ogah banget nonton 3d dari pinggir lagi. jadi akhirnya batal deh nonton. dan berhubung hari rabu juga ke gading, dah ga tau lagi apa yang mau diliat-liat hehe.. apalagi lagi berusaha mengetatkan ikat pinggang, gara-gara speedy! akhirnya cuma jalan-jalan sedikit, liat-liat buku impor di tga (ada yang menarik! yang ngarang kate emerson.. again, tentang tudor court. tunggu tumpukan buku di rumah berkurang dulu deh!) liat-liat buku resep di gramed, nongkrong di food court sambil makan gado-gado boplo. trus ke KKG deh, sambil nonton orang lagi berenang..

malemnya, setelah mandi dll, baru jam setengah 8. akhirnya diniatin deh kitchening.. mumpung belum terlalu malem. dan pagi-pagi tadi juga baru ketemu sisa pacar cina, dan cari-cari resep, ketemu resep centik manis. slurp.. dah semangat 45 nungguin pacar cina nya mateng dan empuk, sampe satu jam baru deh maknyos. trus masak-masak-masak.. sedikit meragukan hasilnya kok ga kentel-kentel amat.. tapi masih pede aja, karena belum pernah bikin jadi ga tau hasilnya bener atau salah. tuang ke cetakan dan masukin ke kulkas.

nah karena lagi berusaha menyadarkan diri supaya ga jadi internet addict mulu, akhirnya cari-cari acara menarik di tv.. believe it or not, gue dah jarang banget nonton tipi.. paling nengok-nengok aja sekali-sekali dari *lagi-lagi* depan komputer. pas ada harry potter and the order of the phoenix. lagi-lagi believe it or not, gue ga pernah nonton full tuh film harry potter, kecuali yang pertama. apalagi yang order of the phoenix ini, baru sekali ini gue liat  akhirnya keasikan nonton (seru juga ternyata! baru tau..) sampe jam setengah sebelasan. trus nengok centik manis di kulkas.. lah kok dah lama di kulkas kaga keras juga! mikir.. mikir… mikir…. resepnya, bener ga ya 50 gr tepung hunkwe.. cek lagi… o-em-ji.. ternyata mustinya 75 gr! gimane mau jadi tu makanan.. cih! i can’t believe i was silly enough not to double check. padahal biasanya, gue selalu parno sama resep, sampe bisa 3-4x gue baca ulang abis timbang-timbang bahan. lah hari ini kok over excited sampe ga baca-baca lagi.. sia-sia deh gue dengan penuh kesabaran ngempukin pacar cina sampe sejam.. mending juga dibuat es pacar cina dari awal

dan akhirnya tak tahan lagi untuk ga online untuk yang ketiga kalinya hari ini…

dan baru sadar lupa daftar kursus crochet.. hiks.. padahal lagi ada festival rajut di museum bank mandiri..

.:: confession of an internet addict ::.

been meaning to switch to telkom multispeed since two months ago, but the customer service told me it’s better to wait until the last day of the month, because otherwise i would be charged for both multispeed and my current account. so i waited, and didn’t get the chance to call speedy back, and then a month later, i wasn’t even in jakarta, and today, i received news that last month’s invoice stated five times the price i usually paid! *shell shocked*
i shouldn’t have listened to the customer service and paid twice the price rather than this! o-em-ji… what have i done…

and why speedy’s website doesn’t support any password retrieval? argh…

.:: liburan tengah minggu ::.

- presidential election day.. have you vote? those who do may get free coffee milk at starbucks, and original glaze at krispy kreme, but i didn’t get to redeem any of the two

- out of the blue, bf came and we went to gading for a stroll. visited duta suara, there are, not one, but TWO albums that caught my attention : charice and regine velasquez. argh… i’m trying to save up some money here. couldn’t decide which one i should get first, so i left it at that, decided to think through before doing any impulsive purchase. and i literally ran out of the store before i chose to do so!

- oh, and i so wanted to grab that paul potts cd too!

- went to periplus and look! sophie kinsella’s twenties girl is out, eventhough the official release should be july 15. unfortunately the price tag stated 230k IDR ( large print paperback ). for me, it was quite a high price for a chicklit that i would finish in only a week. i think i’ll just wait for the paperback version.

ah.. i don’t feel like going back to work

.:: back to real life ::.

i’m back….

and despite having so many free time,
am really clueless what to write with regards to my last trip to bali,
so i’ll leave it for later

in general, i enjoyed the trip, very much!
i was so in love with bali i didn’t feel like going back, really.
8 days are simply not enough to explore the wonderful island!
am hoping to revisit the island soon *crossing fingers*

since i’m so taskless,
i’ve been checking ticket fares to semarang.
it costs a little less than 1 mio.
should i go or not? *confused*
on one hand, i’ve been looking forward for the trip.
on the other hand, it would be a really short one,
and clashes with one event that i wish to attend *bang head to wall*
plus, i wish to save up some money and the trip wouldn’t help at all!

.:: off to bali ::.

in the next couple of hours, i’ll be on my way to bali, getting away from the real life for the whole week! yippie..

most likely, won’t update anything, except probably twitter. au revoir!

.:: photo album ::.

biasanya gue upload foto-foto digital gue ke multiply, tapi hari ini pas baca-baca ulang blog gue ini, gue baru sadar kalo foto-foto di multiply banyak yang pecah! sebel deh.. kan jadi jelek banget. kalo cuma foto barang sih gapapa, tapi kalo foto muka orang, apalagi muka sendiri, kan jadi bete ngeliatnya. sebelnya lagi foto disitu dah ratusan mau pindah juga sayang ga ngerti juga kenapa bisa jadi pecah gitu, padahal file aslinya juga bagus. apa dikompres ya sama multiply nya *sotoy.com*

haduh, pindah kemana ya…..

tapi yang dulu-dulu juga kayanya ga pecah tuh.. emang si sebelum gue upload kebanyakan gue resize. apa resizer nya yang ga bagus? hmm.. aneh! musti gue coba upload file asli deh!

.:: 3 weeks, 5 weddings ::.

and i won’t be able to attend at least two of the weddings

.:: i’m back ::.

i’m back to my post in batavia office.

too soon to jump up and down with glee,

but i’m definitely enjoying the fresh clean air!

.:: thursday random rambles ::.

* major trouble : my camera is dying. image quality is down to minus 100%, i can clearly see horizontal lines all over the pictures. i need to get it fixed ASAP! i hope it won’t cost me a lot, since really, i still love this one, although there has been scratches here and there.

* another wedding invitation had just arrived. told ya, it’s musim kawin! this time it’s shirley & charles wedding. looking forward to the event. the bride was one of my besties in elementary school.

* i found something that is more addicting than fashionesedaily : facebook games. i’ve never been interested to try out their games before, until three days ago my friend asked me to accept her happy farm invitation so that she could buy an item. so i helped her, and got hooked with it, and started restaurant city as well. unfortunately i’m unable to access it from home, as i only have 1 giga quota, which has over and over been overused.

* thank God it’s Thursday! can’t wait for the weekend. a small reunion with my elementary school friends on sat nite, then lunch with miladies on sunday.

* receive some surprise messages from my high school bestie… miss her! she’s been busy with her med study, so we haven’t seen each other for a long time. trying to plan a get-together with the other two gals in our circle, which has never been an easy task.

.:: everyone’s living their own life ::.

and all they think is themselves

funny how when i’m feeling down, i find so little friends i can really talk to. because in the end, all they think about is themselves. when i seek encouragement and i need someone to talk to, all i get as a response is these so-called friends talking about themselves like they’re the center of the world. people don’t really cares what i was talking about, what i was going through.

funniest of all, some even don’t even ask what the real problem is. even when they care to even say something, they will usually ended up bragging about themselves. everything should always be about them. i don’t need it, okay?

when i mentioned, oh i’m so sorry, i wouldn’t be able to go out this weekend. i’m having some problems. and what did they say? ooh that’s so lame. our plan is yet again cancelled. okay, like having fun is the only reason we’re alive.

and they dare call themselves my friends.

yeah, right.

is it me who’s being overly sensitive about it?

anyway, don’t expect me to treat you like kings and queens while you don’t treat me like one.

i do whatever suits me, and you can do whatever suits you!

.:: morning coffee ::.

i had coffee stained my brand new coral sweater
HIX!

.:: craving for ice cream? ::.

me :
(sambil baca epaper.kompas.com)
waaa coldstone diskon 50% lho..

person 1 :
tapi minimal 100 ribu tuh..

me :
oh iya ya? (belum baca terms and conditionnya)
wah musti pas pergi rame-rame ya..

person 2 :
wah asik asik diskon.. (sambil terus bahas diskon)

person 3 :
(langsung nyamber) es krim ya??
daagen hasz aja, kan diskon terus-terusan tuh..

me :
(pura-pura konsen sama layar laptop sambil menahan tawa)

.:: i hate redundancies ::.

when faced with two choices :

1. make a complete robust database design that will eliminate redundancies, with the use of normalization and all.
2. allow redundancies to minimize the required joins when querying info out of the database.

i would, without thinking, definitely choose the first option. it’s not even an option, at least for me.

i know performance may be affected when the amount of data is huge. but, i always think that data consistency is far more important. not that performance isn’t important, but there are certainly ways for a better performance than a possibility of inconsistent data in database? i.simply.dislike.inconsistent.data.

and i still can’t believe i’m writing an IT related stuff here

.:: lazy ::.

ih ko rasanya maleeeeees ngapa-ngapain ya.. *slap self*

.:: dull ::.

this is, by far, the dullest of all the dull saturdays i’ve ever experienced
*yawning*

.:: fifty-thousand ::.

if you are given 50k IDR.

what would you do with it?

going to a movie?

lunching at the nearest pizza joint
- coz apparently other more exclusive restaurants cost more than 50k?

new books?

more makeup stuff, though you’ve got tons of them already?

accessories?

i’m sure there’s plenty of other things you could think of.

it takes only a couple of seconds to spend the 50k.

imagine those who work 7 am – 12 pm.

getting paid 50k.

per week.

.:: mr smiley, where art thou ::.

mr smiley had decided to run away from its comfy home at the back seat of my car. come back mr smiley!

.:: priorities ::.

walking into the mall high-spirited and excited to get some new nail polish. turned out that the mall were having a furniture expo, and to add it up, discounts on many household items. one that was surrounded by many people was carpet. it wasn’t a huge and fluffy carpet, it was just a thin yet comforting carpet to sit on, better than the floor, i guess. haha… anyway, it costed 69k, just the price i would’ve to pay for two bottles of nail polish. seeing that, it seemed stupid to buy two bottles of nail polish, while i had quite some bottles at home. there are just things more important to buy than just a couple of stupid polishes, don’t you think?

.:: worst week ever ::.

akhirnya, selesai juga minggu pertama kembali bekerja, yang sekaligus worst week ever! belum tau apakah minggu depan bakal begini juga atau ga cih, rencana cuti sepertinya bakal batal!!!!

.:: one more day.. ::.

to christmas holiday. can’t wait!

.:: guilty pleasure ::.

you know it’s not right, but you do it anyway. it’s like eating chocolate when you’re on a diet!

.:: another opportunity missed ::.

you must know by now that indonesian people are good at “smiling no matter how you feel”. i am no exception. especially when put on the spot, and i have no time to think through of what’s going on or what i should say next ( sindroma lemot tingkat tinggi ). it isn’t easy to .. just be! to just be straightforward about how i feel, what i think about certain things. sometimes there’s just this norm where i should always be nice, or do the right thing, or make others happy. actually, no matter how much i try to reason this whole thing, the problem lies in my sometimes-slow-brain! haha..

another random thought of the day, rain rain go away, come again another day ( not tomorrow please! )

.:: kembali ke nol ::.

lagi-lagi gue migrasi..

seneng juga wordpress punya fitur export-import sehingga memungkinkan gue pindah-pindah tanpa kehilangan postingan lama gue heheh…

i’m in the mood for bitchin’

.:: world of pretences ::.

i have to say that indonesian people are judgmental. people infer what others say. they assume. probably that is the reason why most people are acting so (falsely) polite. we smile in front of others, we make excuses so that people think everything’s alright, so that noone’s (feelings) get hurt, or just to make a good impression. because if we don’t, if we don’t conceal our true feelings, sometimes people assume the worst of what you say, even though what you really mean is the other way around. what a way of thinking!

being an indonesian myself, i do that as well, although i try to think more positively. but hey, just by bitching about it means i’m being negative. hehe.. don’t care lah!

.:: work to live or work for a living ::.

hari ini, topik bahasan breakfast club 90.4 fm adalah work to live / work for a living, dimana work to live diartikan kerja cuma sekedar demi gaji yang didapet tiap bulannya, sementara work for a living diartikan kerja dengan passionate, sepenuh hati saking cintanya sama kerjaan itu.

setelah beberapa saat diumumkan temporary resultnya yaitu 75% pendengar mengaku mereka work for a living, dan cuma 25% pendengar yang klaim work to live. apa bener ya kebanyakan orang cinta mati sama kerjaannya? elo masuk kategori yang mana? kalo gue sih, jujur aja, seratus persen work to live!

.:: bitchin’ ::.

satu lagi berita… beneran ada yang REQUEST supaya gue dapet si kemungkinan terburuk ituh! rasanya  dan pengen bukannya gue ga niat, but i do have a life!

.:: my feelings this morning ::.

pagi-pagi, ga semangat males banget ngapa-ngapain (ga ada juga yang bisa diapa-apain). kira-kira 3 minggu disini, rasanya mood kerja sama sekali ga ada. ya itu juga, ga ada yang bisa dikerjain. reality bites! gue butuh liburan! ga perlu pergi kemana-mana deh.. santai-santai bobo di rumah juga dah cukup..

setelah cek email, seperti sudah diduga akhirnya “bom” itu jatuh juga walaupun dah tau kalau ini bakal terjadi, tetep aja… huh!

baru keinget sama satu fakta dan kemungkinan paling buruk yang bisa terjadi, rasanyamembara. emang sih ini baru tebak-tebakan gue belaka. tapi teteup… pokoknya dah esmoseeee banget-banget ngebayanginnya.

yah semoga aja bukan yang terburuk itu yang terjadi karena gue ga tau lagi musti ngapain kalo sampe itu yang terjadi.. kira-kira serasa di persimpangan jalan!

lastly, as my mom always says, stop complaining! it’s not always easy, especially in times like this, but i’m trying to count my blessings instead of my bad luck! who knows, maybe it’s not a bad luck afterall *trying to be positive* however, i need to be thankful for all the blessings i’ve received ’til this day.

am calming down

and now, i’m going back to my lazy mood. browsing FD aja ah..

*what a morning*

.:: paling benci… ::.

saat mau ngomong sesuatu, tapi lupa, dan yang diucapin malah hal yang berbeda 180 derajat. atau saat susah banget merangkai kata-kata buat jelasin suatu hal, dan lagi, yang diomongin jadi berbeda 180 derajat dari yang dimaksud. jadi mempermalukan diri sendiri

.:: blowing a kiss from afar ::.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR, BELOVED SIS AND MOM!!!!

so i finally ordered a tiramisu from Harvest. isn’t it good when your two most beloved people celebrating birthdays in two consecutive days? you don’t have to buy two cakes! mwahahaha… oops.. anyway, the pic above is taken from the official website of Harvest. the one i ordered was not round it’s only to give you an insight of what i ordered. love the service, in which i can just pick up the phone ( in this case, tell my bf to pick up the phone ) pay for the cake via ATM ( again, tell my bf to go the ATM and make the payment ). very convenient! and the cake was delivered on time, they carved happy birthday on top of the cake, and they even gave two free candles, and my family said the cake was very tasty, which is of course, to be expected from such a huge name like Harvest, one of my favourite patissier.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!! one tiny problem. from what i heard from my sis, i suspect that the cake delivered to my house WAS NOT TIRAMISU!!!! it doesn’t even look like it! my sis said it was all-chocolatey, and my mom double checked the receipt (twice!) and she said the receipt says “DEVIL 20×20″. i double-checked their website, and yes, they have chocolate devil cake. i need to see the photo of the cake delivered to my house, just to be sure! checking my inbox is the first thing i’m gonna do tomorrow morning, as i have told my sis to send me a pic of the cake. let’s just hope she won’t forget all about it tomorrow, as i’m very curious! i’m glad that my family loves the cake, because it’s all that matters. but still, you don’t mess up with me and walk away.

UPDATE August 18, 2008
my mom called Harvest! that was unexpected anyway, now i’m not really sure who made a mistake, Harvest, or my poor bf Harvest claimed that they asked my bf which tiramisu he wanted, and after the customer service mentioned the several kinds of tiramisu they have, he said the first one. so there’s a possibility that it was my bf who actually did a mistake, not Harvest. it was partly my mistake too, coz i didn’t personally phone them to make the order myself. and Harvest also phoned my bf and apologized, if somehow they made a mistake, and all was forgiven. anyway, the cake was delicious, according to my family, so there’s nothing i can do about it now i’m still very curious though. hehe… do they categorize chocolate devil as a type of tiramisu? i thought most kinds of tiramisu contain mascarpone cheese, instead of sponge cake? and surely devil’s cake is entirely different from tiramisu?

morale of the story, be extra careful next time

.:: you don’t need coffee when you have… ::.

vitamin c!

i know it sounds weird. but i’ve once heard that you’re not supposed to take a vitamin c tablet at nights, because then you won’t be able to sleep. well, last night, since i was desperate of vitamin c, thanks to these ever-present stomatitis aphtosa a.k.a sariawan which bugs me a lot these days, i ignored the myth and drank a tablet before i went to bed. after that, i’ve spent an hour reading the luxe. it was getting late, so i’ve tried closing my eyes and giving up to the exhaustion. but you know what? the myth is not just a myth afterall. well, i’m not sure whether it was just a coincidence, or it was only my so called suggestion. but it happened. i spent an hour or so doing nothing, browsing through FD and emails ( of course there won’t be any new emails at 6 in the morning! ) and other sites, and reading another chapter of the luxe, before my eyes finally gave up and went back to bed.

so, i think i won’t be taking a vitamin c tablet before i go to bed anytime soon

pic courtesy of Holisticare

.:: i just wanna … ::.

run and hide!

.:: can i? ::.

i feel so silly all i want to do is crawl under the cover and hide forever, or at least until this feeling of me being so stupid, careless, and embarassing fades away? can i? *puppy eyes*

.:: mimpi, realita dan ekspektasi ::.

aaargh.. gue pusyiiiing. dua hari ini gue dipenuhi rasa mau-ga-mau-ga terus.. terutama di pagi hari. kemaren, dalam kepala gue, tercetus satu ide. dan setelah bergulat sama pro dan kontra nya, akhirnya sambil ngedumel bisa nerima keputusan akhir nya ( ato tepatnya awal? ). hari ini, lagi-lagi gue masi bertanya-tanya keputusan apa yang harus gue ambil. dan lagi-lagi kesimpulan akhirnya masi tetep sama.

tapi malem ini, gue diingatkan akan hal-hal lain. di satu sisi, memang ada hal-hal yang menahan gue supaya stay di indo. di sisi lain, ada orang-orang yang menyemangati, dan mengharapkan, gue supaya gue kerja keras supaya bisa pegi lagi nanti-nantinya. duuuh…. susah ya, berusaha live up to others’ expectation, nyenengin orang lain. either way, harus ada yang dikorbanin…

but i do miss home apalagi barusan gue baru aja baca-baca forum.. thread-thread yang bahas dessert places, resto-resto, bandung.. hmmm… gue jadi punya list panjang tempat yang pengen gue kunjungi!

.:: a time to choose ::.

tanpa tedeng aling-aling, tiba-tiba hari ini gue dihadapkan sama sebuah pilihan. basically, gue harus memilih antara kembali kesini akhir taun nanti, atau stay di jakarta. jadi awalnya, gue dapet kabar dari kalo ternyata project fase dua akan berlangsung sampai 19 januari. dan kristen mengasumsikan (dah bukan nanya lagi) gue akan balik kesini setelah kepulangan gue bulan november nanti. errr.. gue bingung harus berkata apa. kalo mau jujur si, pas pertama ditanyain begini, ya a part of me pengen balik lagi kesini. sebuah pengalaman yang sedikit susah buat gue tolak, sebagian diri gue pengen terlibat sampe akhir project ini. jujur, ada perasaan takut suatu hari bakal nyesel kalo gue sampe tolak tawaran ini. insecure sama nasib gue nantinya back in jakarta. apalagi gue ga enakan nolaknya.. terutama karena dia dah langsung berasumsi gitu! tanpa tedeng aling-aling.. nama gue dah tercantum di plan sampe bulan januari. dia berasumsi gue cuma holiday sebentar di jakarta dan balik lagi buat terusin project ini. sementara gue sebelumnya ga ada pikiran gue akan balik lagi kesini. *sigh*

di sisi lain, gue udah punya rencana sendiri di jakarta, yang gue harap berjalan lancar. sebuah janji dan komitmen yang harus gue pegang. gue dihadapin sama dua pilihan. satu sisi gue yang rakus mikir, i want both..  dan itu bukan suatu hal yang mungkin. both is not an option. setelah beberapa saat sih, keinginan gue buat balik kesini juga mulai sedikit luntur. i have my own reason. others may not be able to understand that. but i have a reason. i just hope that my reason is enough, that my reason will make sense to myself, that it will bring me my happiness, and i won’t look back and think about the things i’ve missed out, instead i’ll look forward to what’s happening in my present *hopefully* bright future.

pertama ditanya, gue beralasan visa gue yang dah mau expired, dan gue ga tau apakah akan semudah itu bikin visa lagi.. kalo ini sih beneran. trauma deh kalo disuruh interview lagi dalam waktu dekat. hehe.. dan kira-kira satu dua jam kemudian, gue ditanya lagi masalah ini.. duhh.. akhirnya gue memberanikan diri *mumpung lagi berani* buat ngomong kalo gue punya personal matter yang harus gue urus sepulangnya gue nanti, jadi sepertinya gue ga bisa balik. dan sekarang gue punya waktu beberapa hari buat memutuskan jalan yang akan gue ambil. sekarang ini sih, gue dah semakin mantap sama pilihan gue. semoga aja itu pilihan yang terbaik, yang bener buat gue, ga berdampak buruk, dan gue ga kecewa sama hasil akhirnya think positive.. positive.. positive..

.:: my flat mate, first impression ::.

so, flat mate gue dah dateng kemaren.. pertama ketemu si di tengah-tengah lorong menuju wc. hehe.. ga sempet ngomong banyak sih, cuma kenalan dan basa-basi ga jelas. abis itu pulangnya juga ga bareng.. dan jing ga pulang-pulang sampe jam 8 lewat.. gue mpe cemas die nyasar.. dah berasa anak ndiri aja.. hehe.. akhirnya jing balik juga. dan karena dia blum makan, basa-basi gue tawarin ke flat seberang, dimana semua penghuni block 3 lagi berkumpul makan masakan jamaika simeon. akhirnya terpaksa gue temenin, walaupun gue dah makan sebelumnya. booo… ada ketidak adilan disini. ternyata flat gue itu… hmm polos dan sedikit butut kalo dibandingin flat 1. waaaa… disitu furniture nya baru, bagus, banyak, flat tv, lukisan charles renni mackintosh. emang katanya sebelumnya juga ga gitu sih.. baru-baru aja di ganti semua furniture nya. rasanya jauh lebih bagus dan homey flat 1. hiks.. nevermind. ga boleh ngiri.. hehe.. i do have quite a decent flat myself

tilik punya tilik, ternyata jing ini asli cina.. tapi dah tinggal di edinburgh sejak 6 tahun lalu kuliah. 2 tahun lebih tua dari gue. yah.. quite nice. yang biasanya diem-diem aja sendirian.. sekarang jadi harus biasain diri dengan kehadiran orang lain di flat ini. harus belajar basa-basi.. ngoceh sana-sini.. hehe.. padahal i don’t really talk much to the people i only know for a little while. hari ini, dia masak dinner : egg and tomato. sebenernya si ga cuma telor sama tomat aja isinya.. kira-kira isinya telor orak-arik, tomat sama ham, dimasak pake bawang putih dan saus tomat. katanya si itu makanan rumahan yang lazim di cina. fiuh.. untung rasanya enak.. dah takut aja ga cocok ma selera gue trus gue ga bisa makan. jadi ga enak juga si dimasakin. padahal dia harus bayar sewa flat dan beli makanan sendiri. sementara gue gratis tapi ongkang-ongkang kaki. hehe.. dan biasanya sehari-hari gue cuma makan es krim ato roti for dinner. huehe..

yah anyway.. not too bad now that i have a female company *berusaha berpikir positip* walaupun gue jadi tergusur ke kamar buat online! hahaha.. yah semoga aja cocok yak… weekend ini dia mau ke london.. tapi sayang nya, tujuan utamanya buat nonton arsenal dan real madrid.. which isn’t really my kind of thing

.:: bye bye freedom ::.

sore ini, gue terima sebuah email yang cukup mengganggu ketenangan gue. hehe.. jadi mulai besok atau lusa, gue harus share flat gue ini sama orang lain! gue blum tau apakah itu akan jadi berita baik atau berita buruk. kesan pertama si… ga terlalu baik juga. hehe.. secara gue jadi ga bebas gitu! biasanya bisa jungkir balik berleha-leha di ruang tamu, teriak-teriak kaya orang gila di skype, stel volume tv keras-keras, masak masakan yang ga jelas trus dimakan sendiri, sekarang dah ga bisa lagi.. hihi.. musti jaim.. ditambah lagi, gue jadi harus pindah pake kamar mandi dalem yang a.k.a kecil.. ga pake bath tub. hiks.. ga enak kan dah jelas di dalem kamar gue ada kamar mandi sendiri, masa mau nyelonong pake kamar mandi luar.. hehe.. beberapa orang bilang, wah enak donk jadi ada temen jalan-jalan.. hmm… kayanya dia juga bukan pertama kali kesini tuh.. secara gue tanya orang sini, ternyata kenal sama jing he ini. jadi blum tentu kan dia semangat liat-liat tempat yang blum pernah gue liat.. kalo belanja, blum tentu juga kan cocok. selera blum tentu sama.. ga enak belanja ditungguin orang.. secara selama ini jarang banget orang yang cocok banget belanja bareng gue.. alias cuma nita dan mami kali! hahaha.. hiks.. hush hush.. pergi semua pikiran negatif.. semoga aja sepantaran dan cocok deh.. amiiin… harus belajar kompromi deh

.:: the 24 hour internet connection ::.

woohoo!! telat ya bo taunya.. kemaren pas makan siang tiba-tiba aja rob tanya, whether gue punya password buat akses internet di flat… and i was like, what? i didn’t know we can access the internet (at the flat)! jadi dari kemaren sore sampe hari ini, gue kejar deh si rob buat setting in laptop gue.. huehe.. jadilah mulai malam ini aku bisa menikmati akses internet 24 jam.. di flat, di kantor.. yeah baby! lumayan juga bisa irit calling card ni kalo bisa donlot skype.. tinggal beli headsetnya aja dah.. huahahah.. this weekend’s destination -> shopping centre! mwahahahahah… tak perlu ragu lagi buat meng upload poto-poto.. yippie….

.:: the news ::.

just when i least expected it, i received the news that my application was approved. after last night, i really didn’t expect to receive such kind of news. in fact, i don’t feel the excitement as before.. but it’s happening, and i’m going on the 23rd. such a short notice! i haven’t packed my bags, and i haven’t made a real preparation.. yes, i did buy several things, but still, there’s a lot of things i need to take care of, and i only have 3 days! *panic*

.:: flunked ::.

did the interview this morning, and simply to say, i flunked. more or less. didn’t do it very well, though i didn’t intended it like that at first, i was a bit dissapointed, because of course i had my hopes, and a bit angry, of myself, and several others. but right now, i’m just.. resigned to fate. if it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. let’s just wait and see what’s gonna happen tomorrow :D

the only dissapointment left is the fact that i may not be able to “reactivate” my vacation plan next week.. so little time to take care all of these! no wonder i get all stressed out..

.:: to be or not to be ::.

if everything goes as planned, i’ll be leaving for glasgow in a couple of days.. there are certainly pros and cons to the upcoming event.

cons

(-) i’ll start off with the worst of the worst… i had to stay so far away from my family, friends, and bf for 4 months! it certainly ain’t an easy thing to do..

(-) i’m all alone! i won’t have anyone i depend on, anyone i can turn to when things go bad. seriously.. none! and from my research using google earth, i’ll stay very far away from the office and even farther from the city. seriously, what should i do in my spare time?

(-) i had to cancel my vacation to bali. i was about to leave for bali on the 27th, but with the current circumstances in hand, there’s no way i’d make it bye bye sunny beaches..

(-) i’ve just recently applied for a 6 month gym membership! such a waste of money.. hehe.. well, if you wish to use my membership, you’re very much welcome

(-) several weeks earlier, i had made several online purchases, including two nyx mosaic blush on, one nyx lip tint spa, a jar of lumiere finishing powder, and several sample jars of lumiere foundie and blush on. they should arrive next month, then again, if everything goes as planned, i won’t be here to enjoy my hauls..

(-) dealing with people is not my strongest skill.. it may even be my weakness so i’m really worried that my visa application will be rejected.. oh God. please help me..

pros

(+) …

as the days goes by, and the d-day is closer, i can’t think even one positive thing i get out of this.. well, actually, i can.. but the cons outnumbers the pros.. all there’s left is worry..

.:: gold mine in disguise ::.

it’s really frustrating to think about the one who got away! nope, i’m talking about a person. i’m talking about a chance, an open window, waiting for us to stumble over it and enter the dreamland. when something was offered to us in front of our nose, we don’t always realize the worth of the chance. sometimes it’s a gold mine in disguise, but we don’t see it that way. we turn down the offer, we close our heart to the gold mine, and bam! it shows its true colors. and by that time, it’s too late, the window has been shut close. the frustrating part is, we can’t turn back time and do things differently. we can only ponder on the possibilities, and nothing you do can change anything, really. it may be for the best, but as we can’t see the bright light at the end of the tunnel, we become obsessed with what had happened in the past, and how we are unable to revert things.

.:: not me! ::.

this is really funny. i logged in to my yahoo email account, and there was a message in my inbox. the title was : Welcome to Friendster. suffice to say, i don’t use my yahoo account as my friendster login, and i’ve never intended to do so. apparently, there was someone ( or some people? ) who didn’t have anything interesting to do, create a friendster account using my email address ( weird.. just weird ), in the hope that… ( what? )

i logged in to my friendster account ( the real one ) and used the search feature to find the fake one. here’s a screenshot from my so-called new friendster account :

and that person also remembered to add some more joke! i’m definitely not a 17-year-old boy! hahaha.. no harm has done (yet) so at this point i only see it as a joke. i’m just startled, and curious about the motives behind the action, why someone actually cared about a matter of no importance. get a life, man!