.:: saturday ::.

i was actually planning to attend lancome makeup class in GI with a couple of friends ( i had even arranged the whole registration process ), but apparently said friends weren’t able to make it. sigh.. wasn’t particularly disappointed in that now i had free time to bake, and i got to spend time with my parents. the only thing i was upset about was only the free goody bag ( don’t want to say no to free stuff )

anyway, i spent the whole morning baking oatmeal cookies, and after lunch, i went to TA with my parents. but, we had to make a few stops at our relatives’ homes to drop a cousin’s wedding invitation. the things i do for family it wasn’t until late in the afternoon that we finally reached TA and i didn’t get to visit most of the shops, as we were there for a mission ~ and it wasn’t mine. however, i managed to spot a nice cocktail dress, though i didn’t get to try it. on one hand, i don’t really need a new dress. on the other, it’s like wedding season this year and the next, i would probably need one in the end. am now desperately thinking about it i should’ve tried it on, just so i wouldn’t feel this way if the dress turned out to be not as good as i thought it should be.

during our shopping trip, i received a call from a friend. she’s not currently in indonesia, and we’re not exactly that close, so i was really surprised that she would call me just to ask whether i wanted some wool yarn, coz she had just found really cute ones. i told her just a couple of days ago i’m currently into cross stitch, and though she made an honest mistake to think that i’d need a wool yarn, it was still so sweet of her. come to think of it, i actually love cute wool yarn. i just wouldn’t know what to do with it *lol* sigh ~ i’ve been wanting to take a crocheting and knitting class since forever!

on a more serious side, i’m beginning to realize how fragile life is. we have very little control of our life, everything we own could be taken away in just a blink of an eye. at times like this, i just doesn’t seem to make sense how we love to collect stuff, material stuff that won’t matter when things go wrong. i’m really grateful that i’ve been given a lot in my life; i’ve lived an imperfect but quite a happy life; i’m raised in a loving family by such wonderful parents who would literally do anything for their children; i’ve met really nice people that do make a difference in my life; i’ve been blessed with health, love and friendship. and i do hope that i could make a good use of what i have for the people around me.

.:: recollection ::.

having some free time at hand, i read my old entries, right from the beginning of this blog. a lot of things have changed through time, and i have come to a realization that my old self sees life a little bit differently. i think i have grown to be a lot more superficial than i used to.

my old posts, though lacking pictures, was something that came from the deepest of my thoughts. i might have only blogged once or twice a month, but most of my writings were about my perspective of life. while my posts lately are a lot poorer in terms of content and my views of things. i write a lot more frequently, and i really enjoy writing, i don’t care if no one reads it. i write coz i want to. i don’t intend to entertain anyone. i don’t expect 10 thousand readers. i write for myself. i really enjoy writing silly things like makeup or books or movies or food, yet i write less and less about what i really think. looking back, i feel like i’ve become ignorant. i feel like things are moving too fast around me and i’m trying to catch up with everything that i do not spend as much time thinking and reflecting as i used to. i care less and less about what i really like, i spend times doing less important things. i postpone a lot of things, i focus less on those things and more on other things that doesn’t seem so important now. i need to re-set my priorities. i need to ponder on what i really want to do, and actually act upon that list.

i like the fact that i can browse through my old writings and reflect. it feels like collecting  pieces of myself together, and it almost feels like introducing my current self to someone, my old self. diving in my collective thoughts, i learn a lot and i gain (hopefully) wiser perspective.

.:: life ::.

baru balik makan malem di salah satu kafe tenda di deket rumah. rencana makan di tempat yang pernah gue datengin sebelumnya, tapi berhubung ga ada kursi kosong, maka kita mampir di tempat lain yang sama-sama menjual nasi uduk. miris banget gue. selain gue dan bokap nyokap, cuma ada sepasang cowo-cewe yang lagi makan disitu. setelah pesan makanan dan melihat berkeliling, sementara si pemilik warung tenda sibuk menyiapkan pesanan, gue perhatiin lemari kecil tempat mereka taruh ayam setengah mateng dagangan mereka. tu lemari bener-bener keciiiil banget, dan isinya, setelah dikurangi pesanan gue ada delapan biji doank!! gue mikir, apa mereka emang ga nyetok banyak karena sepi? ato bisa juga emang dah habis yak hehe..

well, gue ngebayangin kalo kasus pertama yang bener-bener terjadi, gue bener-bener miris banget. sementara gue mungkin sering mengeluh soal kesibukan dan kondisi kerja dan kehidupan gue, lah ini, satu kafe tenda sederhana untuk menghidupi satu keluarga suami, istri dan dua anak kecil. yes, dua anak-anak yang masi kecil ini asik main di salah satu meja ujung sambil nyokie nya temenin mereka. di malem hari jumat, dimana keesokan harinya mereka harus sekolah.

.:: can you live with less? ::.

there was an episode of oprah, where sevreal families were faced to a “live on less” challenge. as part of the challenge, for seven days, all the family members were :

- not to watch tv for more than one hour a day

- not to turn on the computer, except for homeworks

- not to drink bottled water

- not to eat out, and finish all leftovers

- not to go shopping

can you imagine life without all of the above? i honestly can’t. although it is something highly possible to do, it is certainly not easy to escape from our addiction. addiction to tv, internet, computer games, air conditioner, eating out, shopping sprees. it’s just things that seem very simple. the daily routine of consuming. sometimes we may not even know what we do, what we consume. we just feel the urge to consume, to spend. it’s just some things that we consider habit, totally normal and acceptable habit. but if we take a closer look, we may notice how much money we have wasted, how irresponsible we have acted, and how much environmental damage we have created.

those families were totally stressed out at first, but through each day, they’re mostly getting stronger, although there were some that gave up before the week ended. it’s a life-changing experience, how those seven days can make them, and those watching the show, realize how dependant each and every one of us to the-not-so-important things, that we forget the nessesity and essence of life itself. we’re a bunch of hedonist, i guess

at the end of the show, oprah showed what happened inside her company, harpo. more than 40 grand for paper cups each year. there were obviously double cuppers, those that use two, or even more!, cups one at a time. as a resolution, all full time staff of harpo is now required to bring their own mugs and cups. instead of using paper cups. that’s a very good idea, i must say.

have you ever look back at your own lifestyle. what have you contributed to mother nature? how much you have spent just for the sake of shopping itself? it may be quite shocking to realize that we do have a lot of things, but we still drool over new, more trendy, more luxurious things.

life is not about spending, it’s about living..

~ shanelle armstrong, guest of oprah show

.:: unconditional love ::.

upon reading the last few pages of this book, i was all teary-eyed. i was touched by the simple fact that most of the time we, as kids, take the love of our parents for granted. i really like what albom said in this book, how parents always defend their children, always try to make us happy and keep us in the dark when it comes to their personal problems. they focus on our needs, yet we may not know what sacrifices they have to make. most of the time, we don’t pay close attention to the world around us, to what we have. have you ever thought about what personal problems your parents might be dealing with? or what kind of life they had before us? or how hard they had to fight to fulfill all of our needs? or how many hours they have to spend working so that we can have what we have now? though sometimes we do think about those things, mostly we will ignore that fact. for all we know, they are our moms and dads. and we take them for granted. they’re always there, they shower us with their love unconditionally, they take us to where we want to go, they fulfill our needs before we know it, they accept us the way we are, they forgive us no matter how much we may have hurt them.

looking back to the years you’ve spent in this world, do you remember how many times you haven’t been a good kid? how many times you have hurt their feelings? how many times you have said the words we shouldn’t say? how many times you didn’t stand up to defend them? how many times you have blamed them for unimportant matters *that we thought important at those times*? how many times you have ignored their words and followed your own will? how many times you have made them do what we want them to do?

do not ignore the fact that they are trying their best to give us what’s best for us. they are willing to give their love for free, without asking for any redemption. they never complain when we hurt their feelings, nor when we don’t live to their standards but do things the way we want it, without considering the consequences. do not forget that they are willing to sacrifice everything they have just for the sake of their children. be grateful for our loving parents, the love they have given us, the sacrifices they have made. and show them that we love them, we really care about them. never give up on our parents, as they have never given up on us.

“When you look into your mother’s eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth.” – Charley Benetto

.:: for everything there is a season ::.

less than a month, the year 2007 will come to an end. i guess it’s time for me to reflect things happened in the past year, and set new dreams and goals for the new year. this year has been such a miraculous one for me. i’ve been blessed and given so many things *even though i must say i hadn’t been that good this year ^^ i’ve learnt a lot through many things that happened to me, and sometimes through the experiences of the people around me. now i truly believe in the saying for everything there is a season, and that God always has a beautiful plan for His children. i’ve experienced many failures, and yet it brought me to my present existence – i wouldn’t be what i am today if i didn’t experience those failures. people make plans, but everything must happen in His way.

when i think of my old self a year, or two years ago, i can see how i differ from myself today. i’ve changed a lot, and i’ve gained a lot of new perspective. i’ve witnessed a lot of things that *hopefully* i grew wiser through each day. though i have to say that it’s so easy to be cynical and skeptical. well, nobody’s perfect, i guess ^^ i just hope that i shall always find my path and the necessary encouragement at the right time. more about myself, i love to reflect on certain aspects of my life *and writing these things really helps me to do it, and i love to spend my time reading paulo coelho’s and jane green’s books, and listening to corrinne may’s soothing voice, cause they provide such an inspiration to me, enlighten my mind, enable me to realize what’s really important and what’s and who’s there for me.i’m a girl with a lot dreams. some of them are unrealistic, some change through times. i may not desire my greatest dream of last year right now. but i still have many wishes. i still have a lot of hard work to do to achieve my goals and dreams. in the meantime, i really enjoy my life, and am really thankful for all the blessings.

i’m proud to say that i have my someone, some people i can call true friends, and above all i have a family i love so much. and of course i have Him, Mary and my angel to watch over me. as i have always treasure friendship, i want to maintain a good relationship with most of my oldest friends. some of them are unbelievably friends by heart, and though i don’t see them for ages, once i do, i find a renewed relationship. and sometimes i don’t need to really see them to feel this. hopefully i can always call them true friends, vice versa.

this year, i learned not to judge people by what my mind defines them. once i had to ask for help from a friend, and my friend refused with some unbelievable lame reason. and when i had to ask someone else, someone that it thought wouldn’t help and would actually mock and make fun of me, surprise, surprise… this friend actually lent a hand and gave so much more…

all my friends, i’m glad our paths have crossed, i really appreciate you coming to my life ^^

now i’m having the time of my life, coz i know He had put me here today. many great things happen to me these days, and i was able to achieve one of my goal long before the year end. in short, currently i’m living my life to the fullest, and i know i need to thank Him for this.

as for my plans and wishes for next year.. i’ll keep them to myself ^^ otherwise, it may not come true, right?? i’m looking forward to the new year, a more blissful year, a more exciting life with my most loved ones..

For every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

From Ecclesiastes

..:: something i can be proud of ::.

a friend of mine said earlier that she was afraid of getting old, that when she came to a realization that she was getting close to 25 it frightened her, because she haven’t got anything to be proud of. hm. when i think about it, it is indeed true, that there are dreams that i want to realize, things that i haven’t achieved up until this day *not that i’m gonna write about them here* some of them are silly enough that i’m pretty sure it will stay a dream forever ^_^ but some of them, i’m really sure that i’m able to realize some of them. i have plans, and sometimes things get in the way that i have to rearrange all of my priorities, and restart my plans from scratch. it sounds like it sucks, huh? well i think it depends on what i’ll get by this change-of-plan thing. on one side, i’ll need a longer period of time to realize my dream. but on the other side, i’ll get something else along the way. sometimes the things that get in the way are not an option, it’s something that has to take place no matter what. if it’s an option, it will be easier for me to weigh all of my options and choose what i hope is the best. but if it’s not, well, i will have to think that it’s for the best or else, i may start hating the world for the delay ^_^ speaking by experience, sometimes it’s far easier to blame the world. but things won’t change overnight just because i want them to. accepting things are also easier when i get something valuable, something that i like that i won’t complain just because i have to restart my plans. anyway, i can only hope that things will get around in time and i’ll be able to realize my dreams when the time comes.. just so i have something i can be proud of ^_^

.:: a closure and a new beginning ::.

it’s no longer 2006. a brand new day in a brand new year. new light of hopes and dreams await us. i hope this year will be better than the last.

there’s a bad news though. my english teacher in high school, a very old lady that students used to call bu nga, passed away in the very first day of this new year.. ironic how something that sad happened in the very beginning of a new year, where it was supposed to  be a new day with a new hope.

and i heard in the news this morning that there were some tragic accidents happened, regarding a lost airplane and a drowned ship. there are bigger and more important things happening out there and i complain about my ordinary daily life, which i should be thankful for. well i think i can’t complain while i have so many things going on around me, and i have an almost perfect life, compared to others less fortunate. i am thankful for all the great things happening around me, and for all the blessings i’ve received.

.:: Christmas Time, New Year Resolution ::.

this christmas, as usual, i went to a family gathering at my grandpa and grandma’s house. this year, i realized that people are getting older and older, and life is passing us by whether we want it or not…

i hope from this time forward, i can do better, and see things in a more positive view, be thankful for all that have been given to me instead of asking for more and more and more. i know that there are many people that are less fortunate than i am, but i find it sometimes hard to accept all the great things in my life without seeing the negative side. there are things that i take for granted without seeing its true beauty. i’ve been blessed with all the people around me, all the things that have been given to me. most of them are simple things in life that i seldom appreciate. i often focus on many things that i sometimes miss the important things in life.

i hope i can find something meaningful that i can do with all my heart and be proud of. looking back, i know that i’ve done much this year, but not as much as i wanted to.

there is one more thing that i realized last month. one day when i was in no good mood, a friend of mine chatted a lot about many unimportant things. first asking how i did, and eventually talked about silly things like body lotion and facial yoghurt masks. somehow it really helped me getting through my mood. friends.. not all of them are always available or willing to be there for me when i need them, some even have the tendency to stab you in the back. but there are some that remain true friends though we don’t talk or see each other often anymore, which quite surprised me.

all in all, i hope i can be a better and happier person, fulfill all *or at least some* of my dreams and passion, and live my life to the full…